I needed to get some money from one of my brokerage accounts, so being the platinum customer that I am, I expected prompt, courteous, and if necessary, flexible service when I asked for a check.

At first, the person with whom I spoke, informed me that Id have to wait 24 hours to see my money. Pressed on that point, she left the line for several minutes, and upon returning, she stated in a very punitive, persnickety tone:

We can do that today, this time only; just once, as an exception. But if you call again and ask for the same thing, we wont be able to do it!

Let me get this right:

In other words, if I twist their arms theyll give me prompt service, but theyll hate every second of doing it, and they promise to punish me if I request speedy help in the future.

How inviting! How enticing! How rewarding!

Dont those words just make you tingle all over?

Being a platinum customer makes me exceptional, so make exceptions, and make them, with a smile, thats what I say.

Even if Im just a regular, good-old rank and file client, dont sound like your made-up, artificial rules, that have nothing to do with securities laws or real strictures, are more important than I am, or more pressing than earning and keeping my business.

Because if you insist on acting so punitively, my money and I will leave you all alone, with only your rules to keep you company.