1. Be all things to all people in your business. Even though you've chosen a niche and created all that marketing material around it, go ahead and say yes to every request and whim of your clients, customers, employees, vendors and well, everyone else as well. They will appreciate it even if you are exhausted, confused and poor. And they will be loyal at least until your business folds.

2. Do everything yourself. After all it is cheaper that way! Don't know how to keep the books, spend 16 weeks in a course that teaches you the basics, or better yet, just wing it. They say the IRS is nicer these days. Never worked on a computer? How hard can it be? Geeks do it every day. Just get in there and start reading those manuals. The customers can wait til you get it done. After all, Rome wasn't built in a day.

3. Don't listen to anyone else, especially those who have already made it. After all, you're really smart and enthusiastic. That should be enough. You can certainly figure out how to do almost anything. Just because they've already done it many times over, doesn't mean you have to listen to them. Why save time and money and pass on all that on-the-job learning you'll get!

4. Expect the worst so you won't be disappointed. I know all the gurus are saying have positive thoughts and be upbeat, but good grief, that means you'd actually have to pay attention to yourself. Who has the time? And just in case you find yourself feeling too happy or relaxed, be sure to have at least one or two "friends" who can bring you down at a minute's notice. Or you could just ask them to record their messages for you so you can play them back any time: "what a loser you are", "no one can make it in this economy", "you should have stayed small" and lots more!

5. Don't give up your loser friends and business partners and colleagues. After all, they need you. And surely you wouldn't put your own happiness and success above their need to stay in a losing position? Hang on with all your might and for goodness sakes, don't start meeting successful entrepreneurs and being friendly with them. Who knows what might rub off on you?

6. Worry constantly about your business, bringing in as many thoughts as you can about how "you'll never make it" or "you'll lose all your money" or "who are you to even think about being successful". Be sure to tell everyone you meet how bad your business is doing and that it's sure to fold soon. They say that worrying is like praying for what you don't want, but I think it's like a charm to keep the creditors away.

7. Integrity, Inschmegrity! Take every advantage you can of every one you can. If you find a monetary mistake in your favor, take it! Don't be a chump. Take every bit you can and give as little as possible. After all, it is a dog eat dog world we live in. If your customers find out, they'll probably forgive you because they don't expect much.

8. Hold on to your outdated money beliefs as long as possible. After all they are a tradition with your family and you learned them in the school of hard knocks. You know, beliefs like "I'll never get ahead" and "I deserve to get things for free" and "I'm too stupid to make money" and the timeless classic "I don't deserve to be rich." I bet you can think of lots more! Repeat them daily as often as possible.

9. Do what you're good at really well and forget all that marketing and sales junk. After all, if you'd wanted to be in marketing or sales, you would have majored in that in school. Just assume that because you are so good at (coaching, singing, art, retail, manufacturing widgets) whatever you do, that customers will show up in droves without you having to ever send out one stinking email sales letter or go to a single networking breakfast. Test it out and prove it to yourself. What do all those marketing books know anyway?

10. Give your all to your business, giving no thought or time or energy to your personal life, your family and friends, your hobbies or your spirituality. After all, those things don't contribute to the bottom line, do they? Tell your family if they want to see you, they can make an appointment or show up in the store! Whose side are they on, anyway?