Perhaps you saw it coming. The fall in company stock prices. The news articles about company troubles. Maybe it was just rumors on the production floor, or a creeping suspicion that orders had slowed down and there was no longer the backlog of work which had been a security blanket. Maybe it was the way management started to avoid you and private meetings were held without any communication issued afterwards.

Finally, it happened. The company, regretfully they assured you, no longer needed your services. The last paycheck was handed over, a checklist of Cobra benefits and unemployment insurance details were reviewed, time to gather your personal items allowed. You walked out in an unreal haze, barely noticing that the remaining staff concentrated on their work as if to avoid the possible contamination of being associated with someone they now saw as a loser. A few of your closer friends shook your hand, with averted eyes, and promised to stay in touch although you both knew that it would never happen.

You drove home, wondering how to tell your family and asking yourself over and over, "Why me?"

Welcome to the gray, anxious, claustrophobic world of unemployment.

Was it fair that you were selected to go?

Of course not.

Is life fair?

Of course not.

The key to maintaining your sense of self-worth through the pressures of unemployment and the rigors of job search, an often demeaning process, is to reframe your outlook and look at yourself both objectively and kindly. You are in an uncomfortable position that was not caused by anything you did, or anything you didn't do. It happened, as bad things often happen to good people.

Treasure yourself, your skills, and your personal value and learn to see what has happened to you as what it can be: an opportunity to take a "time out," to re-assess yourself, practice self-exploration and self-appreciation, and a chance to refocus your life in new and positive directions.

Virginia Bola, PsyD

Dr. Virginia Bola is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, a vocational expert, a social commentator and a self-admitted diet fanatic. After 20 years of owning a vocational rehabilitation company, she is now Manager of Clinical Operations for a major MBHO.

She has authored numerous articles on the psychology of weight control, the emotional correlates of unemployment and job search, social issues, politics, and the graying of America.

Her latest book, completed in June, 2005,is Diet With An Attitude: A Weight Loss Workbook, an interactive manual providing the reader with personal guidance and encouragement in the battle to lose weight. It takes an irreverent approach to dieting while providing innovative and therapeutic exercises for self-exploration, confidence-building and emotional self-support.

Her earlier book, The Wolf At The Door: An Unemployment Survival Manual, provides unemployed workers with therapeutic exercises, self-exploration, and confidence-building worksheets combined with specific, step-by-step techniques for finding work.