Improving self-confidence is something we would all like to do. After all if we have a healthy self-confidence we appreciate and enjoy our lives to a greater degree. By improving self-confidence it is easy to see how we could achieve more. We might take the kinds of risks that eventually allow us to develop more fully in all aspects of our lives.

Improving self-confidence can be more difficult unless we begin to recognize all the ways we sabotage ourselves. This is often a trickier endeavor and it certainly means getting honest with yourself. However, if we make a commitment to finding out how we self-sabotage we will discover what has been holding us back.

Have you ever heard yourself saying Ill feel good about myself when___.

You can fill in the blank with anything you want. One you might hear could be Ill feel good about myself when I lose 15 pounds. When we set that kind of condition on the goal the only way we can feel good is if the outcome is achieved. That means we postpone feeling good about ourselves today. It is restricted to the future. What if that person never loses 15 pounds? Does that mean they can never feel good about themselves?

This is one of the ways we hinder improving self-confidence. If the only way we can achieve self-confidence is to reach the goal and we dont manage to reach the goal then we dont have self-confidence. We become frustrated and disappointed. We feel a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, all because everything was based on reaching the goal.

Looking at this particular example lets examine how you could begin feeling more confident today. Instead of making losing 15 pounds the thing that is going to make you feel good about yourself, make a commitment to follow a plan to exercise more and eat less. By demonstrating you are willing to take better care of yourself today you start improving your self-confidence immediately.

Another way we sabotage ourselves is to start depending on having our low self-confidence. Believe it or not it happens quite often. We all know someone who needs to constantly be reassured; someone who always has some drama in their life that they need help with. They just dont know what to do. They are more than happy to be rescued while all the time lamenting that they wish they had more confidence.

Whether we know it or not when we operate in this victim mentality it is because we are getting something in return. It might be attention. It might be absolution from having to take responsibility for our own life outcome. The underlying reason may be fear of failing but at some point we start to depend on the attention. We depend on the fact that people wont hold us accountable if we are just too overwhelmed to deal with anything.

If improving self-confidence is the outcome, than this type of behavior has to be looked at honestly. Facing up to when we let ourselves off the hook by playing the victim will be the first step in developing a real and unshakeable self-confidence. Make no mistake this doesnt get changed overnight. Small steps in taking responsibility for our own actions and choices are a great starting point. You may only operate in this mode in one area of life. While you might be receiving a payoff by constantly being shored up and supported by others; it is draining to the people having to do the work for you. In the end your feeling of low self-esteem is magnified as you know in your heart that it is a one sided relationship and you are not bring an equal share to the table.

Improving self-confidence is something we can all do. If we are self-sabotaging however, we must start by looking at where we are doing it and why we are doing it. If we can be honest then we can make the commitment to change. Self-confidence is built on our daily choices. We dont just get it and thats it. It can use daily maintenance. As with all things that take effort, the payoff is worth it.