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Main –› Society & Issues –› Humor & Pastime
 

Expert of Experts: Things HE Didn't Tell Neale About Commerce

 

DK: You may not know this(Sigh!) Scratch that. Remember when I spent some time working with the Course in Miracles?

Missed it.

DK: You missed it? I spent a year on that and bought every book there was to supplement the course. What did you do, join Kurt Vonnegut Jr.s Church of God the Totally Indifferent?

(Laughs!)

DK: I cant believe I just typed in laughs with a Capital L and an exclamation point in parentheses. And fast, too!

Roman hands and Russian fingers.

DK: But I can only type with two fingers. You use them all. Even my thumbs. Oh, no! Late onset schizophrenia, is that what they call this thing I have? Schizoids, theyre the ones talk toI thought my incredibly expensive meds were holding this in check. Wait a minutepeople get to read this: Im cooked. And now Im looking to my fingers for reassurance. Oh, Cra

Can we please move on with this?

DK: Okay, okayIm sorry. Oh My God! Whos butt am I trying to kiss here? My own? All right, Drew, youre a worthy person and protected by the angels.

I like that one, too!

DK: Self-esteem courseon-line. I own every deck of Angel, Tarot, and Medicine cards ever made. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Saint Christopher and all the Saints, what is happening to me

Good one. And youre a Jew!

DK: Oh yeah? How would you know? You probably never even looked to see if I was circumcised! I cover my bases you know. Figure a couple hundred a year in the Poor Box.

Breathe, Drew.

DK: Maybe thats it. Yeah, I got it, I must be hyperventilatingOhdeeinghow do you spell that?

Od-ing should work.

DK: YeahOd-ing on oxygen and doing holotropic stuff thats making me hallucinate like Im in contact with God. Its worth the grand I paid for that course to see what Im doing to myself. Thanks! Wait a minute, did I just

Now that is a good way to do it, too, you know.

DK: Im not even on acidwait a minute, maybe this is a flashback.

That means youve been here before, with me, in this way? (sings) We have all been here before, we have all been here be-fore!

DK: Good Heavens, that was Crosby, Stills and Nash I heard?

Young, too. Talk about transcendent! Now thats music that gets you right to me.

DK: Ive got every album they ever made. Nothing like this ever! Maybe if I do some Greet the Sun yoga postures I can get myself centered enoughOh, hellwhat happened to my mat? It had a golden threaded border

Now youre talking! Frees up circulation to all the charkas. Precious metals as energy-boosterGood path to get to me!

DK: Would you please stop this? My hands are cramping up. Can I take a break to give myself some Reiki? Im a Master, you know.

So you do understand the difference between using Universal Healing Energy and your own life-force?

DK: You kidding? That one cost me a five-day retreat! Maybe, just maybe, if I set some crystals around this computer Id

Quit fightingSurrender.

DK: Surrender? I gifted this Native American family my Chevy Van just to get into a sweat lodge. Boy, I sure learned about surrender there! Maybe thats the key.

Yupthat was one!

DK: DamnIm exhausted. I feel like I did after I flew to San Francisco to run in that marathon; exhausted, and BROKE!

Im not charging you anything for this.

DK: Dont kid yourself, Lord. I dropped a good two-grand to get this computer set up, just so we could have this bonding time together.

Its a vehicle. Theyre all vehicles. Youre a vehicle, Im a vehicle and everything we invent to get closer to the Source gets us closer to the source. Its that simple.

DK: Im sorry, but give me a minute to re-read what Iyou just wrote.

Im here.

DK: This is absolutely amazing. You dont argue with what sells, do you?

Spread the Word!

Author: Drew Kittinger
 
Author Bio:

Drew Kittinger

Drew Kittinger, ShK (School of hard Knocks) consults consultants who want to consult consultants. This is not as easy as it may seem. Consultants are typically so sure they've got it figured out, they barely listen to themselves, let alone others.

So, he'll settle to be that "still, small voice" for the consulting and entrepreneurial world until someone actually listens to him, follows his instructions, gets rich and then becomes his Patron in which case, he'll shut up and let you get on with your work..

This article can be searched using: funny news, funny news stories, funny news articles, funny news headlines, current funny news
 
 
 

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