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Main –› Society & Issues –› Humor & Pastime
 

Experts Use Ten Simple Concepts: #6; Attitude

 

Concept #5 provides a very valuable hint about what it takes to be an expert. Passion. But theres another force almost as powerful in the perception of your targets. Its called Pity. As in, That guys so good hes putting his life on the line! The sub-text is, If thats what it takes to be an expert, Ill pay him to do it.

You see, experts do things that none of the rest of us really have the balls to do. (My apologies to the women out there, but Im not too expert at finding better analogies than what I was taught in Brooklyn.) In our minds, they see things in the here and now that we couldnt even imagine under the influence of 42,000 micrograms of Orange Sunshine. As such, experts are the only ones qualified to take on these huge projects. Who else but an expert would do something so humongous? And dangerous, too.

The experts job has more to do with attitude than it has to do with almost anything else. The most important part of that attitude is that you dont look like you have an attitude.

Yes, I know, thats what you do now and nobody respects you as an expert, let alone for anything at all. Youre obviously doing it wrong. Now, youd think Id tell you how it works. I cant. You have to figure it out yourself and make mistakes. What? Do you possibly think Im going to do everything for you?

Try this: Next time you go into a Starbucks (TM, probably) dont leave until youve managed to mention (something like) this to the Barista, after you receive the most exotic roast they have: I used to prefer this roast when grown at 11,000 feet. This couldnt have been grown at more than maybe ten-five at the most, and I love it!

If the Barista says anything to you beginning with or leading up to the words Are you youve blown it. If the Barista says anything at all to you, youve blown it. People know an expert when they come across one and usually feel too inadequate to even follow through on a conversation, unless of course they are somewhat expert themselves in which case you should get out of the coffee shop as quietly and quickly as possible.

Go from coffee shop to coffee shop until your target Barista gets you another cup of coffee of a different roast, on the house, hands it to you and asks your opinion. When you can take a sip of that coffee and simply reply, I like it or, Not my preference. And then drop it completely without the need to explain yourself, and the Barista asks you no more questions, then you have attained the attitude of an expert.

But, back to danger.

The experts you question least are usually the experts who are embarking on some sort of journey that may get them killed. Of course you pity the stupid fools. But bottom line, youd rather see them die than you, and since you feel like such an idiot for not seeing what the expert sees, youll be happy to do anything you can to support them in their cockamamie quest as long as youre the one not catching the bullet.

Things like attaining world peace or ending hunger for children are prime examples of causes that are not adequate to the task of establishing yourself as an expert. They are far too doable. Perhaps even more important; they are far too clear and safe.

Slogging through Dengue Fever-ridden waterways into the deepest most inaccessible part of Mozambique to build a research-facility and hospital from the ground up that will be using you as a research subject in a study of the effects of the Coalanga spider whose bite can take down an elephant but when prepared properly also makes the lost tribe of the Queaxicles immune to hemorrhoids is just the sort of thing that an expert would pursue that none of us would ever undertake. We flock to their support so we dont have to do the work.

The glorious part about this concept is that the expert does not even have to be an expert in any aspect of the cause thats being adopted. All that has to be said is this amazing computer expert is putting all she has into the task, as a human being, because, in the end, thats all we have. The Everyman factor alone draws people to her like a magnet. The operative concept, however, has to do with death. Whatever it is, the gamble must include the threat of it, directly or indirectly, physically or emotionally.

An impossible cause can be effective as well, but you have to be careful. There are a whole lot of unemployed experts on the Berlin Wall and the Irish/English Troubles running around out there.

Author: Drew Kittinger
 
Author Bio:

Drew Kittinger

Drew Kittinger, ShK (School of hard Knocks) consults consultants who want to consult consultants. This is not as easy as it may seem. Consultants are typically so sure they've got it figured out, they barely listen to themselves, let alone others.

So, he'll settle to be that "still, small voice" for the consulting and entrepreneurial world until someone actually listens to him, follows his instructions, gets rich and then becomes his Patron in which case, he'll shut up and let you get on with your work..

This article can be searched using: funny news, funny news stories, funny news articles, funny news headlines, current funny news
 
 
 

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