artilecastles.com artilecastles.com
   Main :> About Us :> Privacy of Info :> Terms & Conditions :> Add Your Link :> Add Your Article
Search:   
Add Your Link
 

Creative Arts

Shopping & Auction

Games & Play

Family & Home

Self Help

Business & Companies

Hotels & Travel

Eating & Drinking

Teens & Kids

Finance & Investment

Sports

News & Media

Medicine & Treatment

Jobs & Careers

Academics & Learning

Entertainment

Fitness & Health

Automotive

Property & Estate

Society & Issues

Fashion & Lifestyle

Computers & Software

Law & Politics

Science & Space


 

Main –› Society & Issues –› Humor & Pastime
 

Come Let Us Lament

 

My sister-in-law asked me to write this article. She must be lamenting.

The best place to lament is at the Wailing Wall. You can see the Wailing Wall at http://www.aish.com/wallcam/. The picture changes often so you will know what is going on.

I suggest that you do your wailing right in front of your computer. Look at the picture. Every time it updates, do your wailing.

To lament you show strong regret aloud. Thats the only way to really do it. First you need a list of things over which to lament. Here are some suggestions:

1.You forgot to buy a lottery ticket for the National Lottery last week and your regular number came up. That cost you a zillion dollars.

2.You spent $40,000.00 on your sons education and he is working at McDonalds after graduating in social studies with a Spanish minor. He graduated magna cum laude. You talked him out of majoring in celestial mechanics.

3.Your grandkids have come to live with you until they are graduated from college. Their ages are 4, 7, 9, and 13. You will be 87 years old when the youngest graduates and your spouse will be 96 years old.

4.You bought a used car from a little old lady. The 1986 Ford had only 40,000 miles on it. Yesterday the transmission went out. The owner of the transmission repair shop said, This is Mrs. Hendersons old car, isnt it? Yes, that is the transmission I put in it at 98,000 miles. I checked it at 149, 000 miles and again at 199,000 miles. Well, she got her moneys worth. Lets see, I can replace that for you for $2300.00. However, that rebuilt engine isnt going to last forever. Did you look at those tires? Does it still pull to the right when you break for dogs?

5.You had a chance to talk about your new business with a rich acquaintance you met on the golf course and gain some financial support from him. When his ball went into the lake, you laughed.

Well, that should get you going. Now how to you do the actual lamenting? Well, get the Wailing Wall Picture on your monitor by going to http://www.aish.com/wallcam/.

Chant as follows:

I lost a zillion dollars!
I lost a zillion dollars!
I lost a zillion dollars!

Forty Grand and my son works at McDonalds!
Forty Grand and my son works at McDonalds!
Forty Grand and my son works at McDonalds!

Were raising kids again!
Were raising kids again!
Were raising kids again!

I got ripped off by a nice old lady!
I got ripped off by a nice old lady!
I got ripped off by a nice old lady!

I laughed my business away!
I laughed my business away!
I laughed my business away!

A nice ending to your chant might be:

Why am I so stupid?
Why cant I do anything right?
Please God, give me another chance!
Please God, give me another chance!

Well, that should do it for my sister-in-law. Jump right in!

The End

Author: John T Jones, Ph.D.
 
Author Bio:

John T Jones, Ph.D.

Jones was a vice president of a Fortune 500 company subsidiary having the major responsibility for research and development and certain engineering functions. After he retired, he became editor of an international trade magazine. Jones is Executive Representative of IWS, sellers of Tyler Hicks wealth-success books and kits. He is a direct mail and mail order marketer and operates a dozen websites.

He has written three technical books, four novels (Bull, Revenge on the Mogollon Rim, Bone China, and In No Way Guilty), and many published papers on business, marketing, engineering and other topics. Details on many of these topics can be found at his personal web site.

Jones is a hack poet and amateur landscape painter. He lives in Idaho with his wife of 52 years. He has five children, three in medicine, a lawyer, and a portrait artist. The Jones? have thirty-two talented grandchildren (many with special musical talent and skills), and one great grand child.

Jones is a prolific writer which started when he was an engineering professor at Iowa State University (Go Cyclones!). He doesn?t know how to stop.

This article can be searched using: funny news, funny news stories, funny news articles, funny news headlines, current funny news
 
 
 

Related Articles

 
How Humor Helps Me To Cope
 
For The Love Of Raspberries
 
Ex-CIA; Good Chance He is Gay
 
Dog Poo - And You Thought You Had Problems
 
Now a Story from Another Time
 
Stained Glass Studio Humor Helps To Overcome Adversity - Don't Be Like Milo
 
"Angry Chicken" Disease Peril to Chicken Soup Industry
 
Horse Pucky: One Of My Favorite Words
 
The Smarter Way to Experience the Great Pyramids
 
The Miracle of Splenda - It's a Gas!
 
 
 
Main :> Privacy of Info :> Terms & Conditions  
Copyright © 2006-2008 www.articlecastles.com - All Rights Reserved.